Hungry for Change May blog challenge: day 2.
It's actually really hard to come up with reasons for recovery. I think that this is because it feels impossible to separate out anorexia from my identity, because it's been part of me since I was a little girl. So when I hear the word 'recovery', my mind tends to shout at me 'but then you might stop being you!'
Yet I know that life can be better, that I don't want always to feel this sad and that I want my future to include "normal" things like children, a family, fulfilling work, and that anorexia, as safe and insulating as it may feel, prevents those things from happening. So I'm going to find some reasons ...
1. My dogs: they can't come into hospital with me and can't understand separation; it's better for them if I never have to be hospitalised again.
2. My family: only if my mind isn't obsessed with food, weight and shape can I fully be a member of my family and part of everything.
3. The future: the idea of a future without change is a desolate one; for a future that I can want to be alive for, I have to opt for recovery.
There are more. But this is a hard list to write and without resorting to trite truisms or clichés, this is all I can include for now.